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life coaching


Learning How to Honor Your Feelings


When was the last time you honored your feelings? Remember when your friend suggested the two of you go to a place that he or she knew you disliked and you agreed? How about hanging out with a person that made you feel uncomfortable? What about the time you really, really wanted to share your thoughts but was afraid they wouldn't be accepted? Better yet, when was the last time you sat with your feelings, acknowledged them and honored them without saying a word to anyone? 

A friend recently shared with me their disdain for an individual they worked with for quite some time. They learned something new about this person every day it seemed.  Each time, their feelings of resentment and anger grew inside of them-just like a weed. Their impatience began to run short and before they knew it, respect was out of the window! Going to work was painful. Just the sight of them made their stomach churn in anxiety, heart beat fast, and the heat of rising anger consume them everytime they were in this individual's presence. There were no polite answers left, nor was there any patience. Long story short, going to work was downright painful. Instead of honoring their feelings, they pushed them way down, ignored them and continued pushing forward without ever once stopping to acknowledge their feelings.  The first step here would be to stop and ask, "How am I feeling?" . It simply doesn't matter if those feelings are good or bad. Acknowledge them. Sit with them. Honor them. When your feelings are honored, you are able to move forward in a direction that is forthright and clear.  Your time isn't wasted going around in negative circles of confusion because you simply haven't admitted and honored your true feelings. Once you honor your feelings, you can take the next step towards a solution.  Here are a few simple steps to honoring your feelings.

 1.  Stop hiding the way you feel and keep it real with yourself.  No one has to live with you but you.  Do not lie to yourself or suppress your feelings.  Admitting how you feel liberates you and gives you a feeling of raw pride in whatever you have just come to terms with.  At the end of the day, you aren't suppressing your feelings and walking around in a passive-aggressive state, refusing to acknowledge what made you feel the way you did in the first place.

 2.  Let go of and forget judgment.  Do not disconnect from yourself and begin with negative self-talk. Allow yourself to immerse in your feelings without criticism.  Your feelings are worthy of acknowledgment!

3.  Stop replaying the same thing over and over in your head! We love to do this, don't we? Pressing the rewind button a trillion times and getting ourselves worked up over the situation and beating ourselves up because we didn't speak up, be honest, or acknowledge how we truly felt. By continuing to play the story over and over again, it takes us further away from how we felt in the first place.

4.  Get yourself some support. Discuss the situation with a trusted friend or family member who loves and supports you. Sometimes we need a little extra support while working through our emotions. Most importantly, allowing yourself to grow into the best you requires you to listen and support your own feelings!



Shadow Work

Shadow work. Working on my own shadow has been one of the hardest things I've ever done for myself personally. Every time a situation upsets me, I do my shadow work. What is Shadow Work? Let me explain to you here

A shadow is an aspect of the separate self-story that, for some reason, gets repressed and then projected outward as an “other.” The “other” is a reflection of the separate self.  In other words, the thing or things which we despise in another, is within us. We box and embrace shadows. To box a shadow is to repress a negative trait and then experience a strong aversion towards others who possess that trait. To embrace a shadow is to repress a positive trait and then experience a strong attraction towards others who possess that trait.

Most people who speak of 'shadow work' mean those traits we dislike in others, which are actually characteristics we have rejected in ourselves.

The results are profound and create a catalyst for healing! Recently, I worked on my shadow and it brought a river of tears for me and with those tears, brought a realization that there lies within my soul, a child waiting to be healed. Inside of both you and I, is an inner child waiting to be spoken to and even healed. What is an inner child?   Sharing this is personal, yet I long to reach out to those of you who have experienced what I have experienced as a child of an alcoholic parent. Lately, I've been worried, that a really dear and close friend of mine, (let's call him Hank) has no time to spend with me due to his extremely demanding career.  First, I start off with my aggravating factor:  

I feel sad and hurt because I won't see Hank for a long time.

What does this mean to me?

It means that he is too busy with his lifestyle and career to spend time with me.

Assuming this is true, why would that be so bad?

It would be bad because if we don't spend time together he will forget me.

What does this mean to me?

It means that I will obviously be forgettable to Hank.

Assuming this is true, why would that be so bad?

It would mean that I am forgettable to Hank.

I AM FORGETTABLE. (Root belief)

So you see, it really isn't about Hank. It's about me. My root belief is, I AM FORGETTABLE. So the question is, why do I feel forgettable? What's causing this root belief? It's time to speak to my inner child. I must remember the very first time I felt forgettable. Here's where it gets riveting.  As a young child, I oftentimes, witnessed my father come home in a drunken stupor. Rebellious and careless, he'd come in as if he was attending some feast of a king. This particular morning, my mother sat at our custom made glass table, drank coffee as she normally did and ate wheat toast (Roman Meal to be exact). I vaguely remember the words she uttered to him, but I know they contained the words strung together that indicated he had been out all night with some "harlots" and "screwing around".

As I stood there at the table and watched in horror, my father lifted the table off of the base and slammed it back down, causing each and every piece of glass to shatter on the floor. As my mother sat there, she watched the glass break over her legs. With a blank stare in her face, she calmly got up and headed back to the kitchen. I felt like I was in a movie. I felt unreal. No one spoke to me nor even glanced at me. 

All was quite at that very moment.  As I walked into the kitchen, there stood my mother shaking violently, like a leaf, as she grabbed one of our largest kitchen knives. At the age of 9 years old, even I knew what was to follow. My mother gripped the knife so tightly, that I could see the veins in her brown skin bulging. I felt so invisible. I felt as if I wasn't there.  I felt entirely forgotten because my mother was about to kill my father, maybe even herself and I. 

I remember gently touching her forearm and pleading with her, "Mommy, please don't do it. Please don't do it." At my age, I wasn't fully aware of the ramifications, but I did know, without a reasonable doubt, that there would be bloodshed

Up until this very moment in frozen time, I felt invisible. I was forgotten. My touch on my mother's forearm brought her to the realization of the here and now. My touch and my words actually stopped something completely tragic from happening, and as an adult, that realization, even now, brings tears to my eyes as I share this story with you, my friends. I was forgotten

Part of the second phase of my shadow work was speaking to my inner child. What was I wearing? Where was I standing? Did I have on shoes? I had to then introduce to my inner child, the adult me. Which room in the house did I feel the most comfortable?  I felt comfortable in my room. It was my sanctuary. It was always clean and dust-free. The adult me walks into the scene and introduces myself to my inner child. I take my inner child into the room where I felt most comfortable. I proceed to tell her how strong, beautiful, intelligent, fabulous, vibrant, resourceful, and how memorable I am. I comfort my inner child. I make peace with my inner child. I tell her she is not forgettable. She is one amazing person, full of love and who can forget such a being? No one.


This is a snippet of the profound progress made when doing shadow work. It's not easy, but it can be done. It opens doors and lifts your spirit, frees your mind and unbound it from self-limiting beliefs. For more information on working with me on Shadow Work. Contact me here.